I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
