Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm too high and old for this...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
