I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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