I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
