it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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