finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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