I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
