i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize