the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
