Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
