I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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