Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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