3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
