I want to have your abortion
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
