drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
