i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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