Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
