I want to have your abortion
even my farts smell like vagina
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
