Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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