i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
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