I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
