Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
