drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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