I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
