THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
