What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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