imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
