What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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