We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize