there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
