The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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