SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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