There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
