okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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