I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
