hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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