I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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