paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
