I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
