I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Liz is crying about burritos again.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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