We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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