Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
