a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
