i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
