I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
there's paper in my vomit.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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