umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
