you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
