my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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