he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
