they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
