i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize