how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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