he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
