I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
