I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
