U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
