I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
