You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
