It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
