ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I will be naked everywhere
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
