Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Randomize
