You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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