I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
They took my balls.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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