At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
