On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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