Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize