No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
At least life still wants to fuck me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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