Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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