Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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