I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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